


BOTUS: Benny of the United States

by rainbowblue13



Series: how did we get here? [13]
Category: Do No Harm (TV), Hamilton - Miranda, In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: Benny has an existential crisis, F/M, Gen, It all ends well I swear, Multi, Overworking, but angst with comfort, coherent plot?? don't know her, shenanigans and angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 12:17:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11184951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowblue13/pseuds/rainbowblue13
Summary: dispatchyo: THE FUCKING PRESIDENT LOOKS JUST LIKE MEcommonavi: ??? i don't see itcommonavi: you're not even bald???dispatchyo: H O Wdispatchyo: DO YOU NOT SEE IT???Or, there's a presidential address.





	BOTUS: Benny of the United States

**Author's Note:**

> *crashes in* I'M BAAACK  
> I have no idea what this work is. I put a lot of shit in there tbh. I didn't even edit, so forgive me for the crazy plot. Oh, and the alex angst was prompted by @burh
> 
> (i dont have an order for the prompts by the way: i just kinda go as i feel like it, sorry aaah)

  **ruBen10:** N o

**commonavi:** YES

**ruBen10:** It's not natural!!

**commonavi:** um who cares if it ain't it's delicious

**ruBen10:** IT'S DISGUSTING

**commonavi:** D E L I C I O U S

**ruBen10:** @A.Ham SETTLE THIS

**A.Ham:** what??

**commonavi:** PINEAPPLE BELONGS ON PIZZA

**ruBen10:** NO IT DOESN'T

**commonavi:**  F I G H T ME

**A.Ham:** im with navi

**ruBen10:** What the fuck is wrong with you people

**commonavi:**  YES THANK YOU

**A.Ham:** ok is that it??

**ruBen10:** Um yeah I guess that's it

**A.Ham:** k

**commonavi:** did

**commonavi:** did he actually just "k" us

**ruBen10:** Apparently

**commonavi:** what's up with him?

**ruBen10:** There's a presidential address coming up

**ruBen10:** He's probably dealing with that

**commonavi:** makes sense

**ruBen10:** He must be really stressed about it

**ruBen10:** His mind probably isn't rational right now

**ruBen10:** He's delirious

**commonavi:** SHUT UP PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA WINS

**ruBen10:** LISTEN YOU HEATHEN

* * *

**A.Ham:** whats the word

**commonavi:** what word?

**A.Ham:** the word, the one thats like brave but better

**commonavi:** uuuuh

**commonavi:** @ruBen10

**ruBen10:** Can you be more specific @A.Ham

**A.Ham:** its like when youre like,,,, when someones not afraid to do stuff

**A.Ham:** but not brave

**ruBen10:** Uuuh fearless?

**A.Ham:** what am i, a first grader??

**ruBen10:** heroic?

**A.Ham:** nvm

**ruBen10:** You're welcome...?

**commonavi:** jeez

* * *

**commonavi:** hey, Alex! how've you been?

**commonavi:** it's been a while since you've talked on the chat

**A.Ham:** busy

**commonavi:** ah, i getcha. work can be a pain!

**commonavi:** how are your s/o's?

**A.Ham:** fine

**commonavi:** that's.. good!

**commonavi:** did you end up finding the word?

**A.Ham:** what?

**commonavi:** the word that was brave but not brave?

**A.Ham:** intrepid

**commonavi:** ooooh fancy haha

**A.Ham:** it's a speech for the president of the united states, of course it's eloquent

**A.Ham:** i gtg, work to do

**commonavi:** okay...

* * *

**commonavi:** Eliza? it's Usnavi, Peggy gave me your number

**Elizabitch:**  Hi!

**commonavi:** hey, is Alex okay? he seems off lately

**Elizabitch:** Ah yeah, he gets like this from time to time. not as much as before, but still

**Elizabitch:** We're trying to get him to slow down

**commonavi:** okay. i'm just worried.

**Elizabitch:** we'll take care of him, don't worry :)

**commonavi:** thank you

**commonavi:** also, what do you mean by "not as much as before"? was he always like this?

**Elizabitch:** Yeah

**Elizabitch:** Hes getting better at it

**Elizabitch:** But i dont think he'll ever stop 100%

**commonavi:** do you know why?

**Elizabitch:** It's not in my place to tell you, im sorry

**commonavi:** no no, it's okay, i shouldn't have asked

**Elizabitch:** He'll be okay, we'll make sure of it :)

**commonavi:** thank you

* * *

**commonavi:** @A.Ham hey dude! how's the speech going?

**ruBen10:** He hasn't been on here for like three days, give it up

**commonavi:** give him a break, writing a speech for the president has got to be stressful

**commonavi:** plus, once he finishes it'll all be fine

**ruBen10:** Sure

**commonavi:** you sound salty

**ruBen10:** Are you actually using internet lingo? Correctly?

**ruBen10:** Who are you and what have you done to Usnavi

**commonavi:** _haha very funny_

**commonavi:** QUE PUTAS

**ruBen10:** What?? What happened?

**commonavi:** _WAIT_

**commonavi:** WHY DOES MY TEXT LOOK LIKE THAT

**ruBen10:** ... In italics?

**commonavi:** IT DIDN'T DO THAT BEFORE

**ruBen10:** I think there was an update

**ruBen10:** If you add * before and after the text it turns into italics

**commonavi:** _holy shit_

****ruBen10:** Stop abusing your powers **

**commonavi:**  COMO PUTAS HICISTE ESO

**ruBen10:** Hey isn't Benny visiting today?

**commonavi:** _don't change the subject_

**ruBen10:** Isn't he though?

**commonavi:** yeah buT THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT

**ruBen10:** That's a lie

**commonavi:** okay ya got me

**ruBen10:** When's he arriving?

**ruBen10:** ...?

**ruBen10:** @commonavi

**commonavi:** SORRY I DISPAERED

**commonavi:** I FRGOT I HD TO PIC K HIM UP

**ruBen10:** Oh my god

* * *

**dispatchyo:** @commonavi DUDE

**dispatchyo:** i know you're short but i can't see you at all man

**dispatchyo:** i swear to god if u forgot me im gonna beat you up

**dispatchyo:** okay i wont but im probably gonna be really angry

**dispatchyo:** USNAVI DE LA VEGA

**dispatchyo:** i guess i'm just gonna pray some glowing cgi flower saves my life

**commonavi:** did you actually just reference Rosa de Guadalupe

**dispatchyo:** oh so NOW your highness is picking up

**commonavi:** IM SORRY TRFFICS A BITCH

**commonavi:** : can you survive without me?? for so long???

**dispatchyo:** drama queen

**dispatchyo:** yeah i'll be fine

**dispatchyo:** i'm sitting at a café in the airport

**commonavi:** okay te marco al llegar

**commonavi:** YOU PRACTICED SPANISH RIGHT

**dispatchyo:** YES JESUS CHRIST YOULL CALL ME WHEN YOU GET HERE

**commonavi:**  im so proud :)

**dispatchyo:** pfft sure thi

**dispatchyo:** ?

**dispatchyo:** ?????????????

**commonavi:** what??

**commonavi:** _Benny what happened?_

**dispatchyo:** theres

**dispatchyo:** im

**dispatchyo:** how did i not notice

**dispatchyo:** hwat the fuck????

**commonavi:** YOU NEVER MAKE TYPOS

**commonavi:** QUE PASO

 

_dispatchyo has sent a photo_

 

**dispatchyo:** it's the fucking president on tv

**commonavi:** oh gwash! love that guy

**commonavi:** havent u seen the president before??

**commonavi:** he's just givin alexander's speech

**dispatchyo:** he?? looks exactly like me???

**commonavi:** oh no no no, benny, wey, alex looks like ME, not you haha

**commonavi:** did you have enough water? are you lightheaded or somethin?

**dispatchyo:** NOT ALEX

**dispatchyo:** THE FUCKING PRESIDENT LOOKS JUST LIKE ME

**commonavi:** not everyone has a doppelganger in the u.s. government, benito

 

_dispatchyo has sent a photo_

 

**dispatchyo:** THIS IS ME

**dispatchyo:** COMPARE IT TO THE ABOVE PHOTO

**commonavi:** ??? i don't see it

**commonavi:** you're not even bald???

**dispatchyo:** H O W

**dispatchyo:** DO YOU NOT SEE IT???

**dispatchyo:** you know what

 

_dispatchyo has added N.Rosario to the chat_

 

**N.Rosario:** Oh hey babe! What's up?

**commonavi:** oh yeah, bring your girlfriend into this, she's toootally not biased

**N.Rosario:** I don't know what this is about but I actually love proving Benny wrong so

**dispatchyo:** Thanks babe

**dispatchyo:** NOW

**dispatchyo:** do i or do i not look just like president Washington?

**N.Rosario:** Yeah, duh. I thought you knew?

**commonavi:** WHAT

**dispatchyo:** WHAT

**commonavi:** _WHAT_

**N.Rosario:** Yeah that's why I asked you to do that one thig that one time

**dispatchyo:** um??

**N.Rosario:** Um, when I visited last summer?

**N.Rosario:** The second night?

**dispatchyo:** oh

**dispatchyo:** oh my god that makes a lot more sense now

**commonavi:** what did you do??

**dispatchyo:** thanks babe, see you soon!  <3

**N.Rosario:** <33 Love youu

 

_dispatchyo has removed nina.spira from the chat_

 

**commonavi:** what happened that second night dude?

**dispatchyo:** um

**dispatchyo:** roleplay

**commonavi:** like that nerd convention stuff??

**dispatchyo:** oh my god nevermind

**dispatchyo:** are you here yet???

**dispatchyo:** also i dont know if you can see it from there but theres some dude having a dance battle with one of those street entertainers

**dispatchyo:**  and he's getting absolutely crushed, it's hilarious

**dispatchyo:** wait

**dispatchyo:** uSNAVI

**commonavi:** can we just leave subtly so i can avoid further embarassment

**dispatchyo:** why did you think a dance fight was a good idea

**commonavi:** I DUNNO MAN

**commonavi:** TENIA GANAS

**commonavi:** I WAS IN THE _GROOVE_

**dispatchyo:** let's just leave jesus christ

* * *

**ruBen10:** Saw the speech on TV, nicely done

**ruBen10:** You gonna stop ignoring us now that you're done or?

**ruBen10:** Sorry, that came out worse than I wanted it to

**A.Ham:** uh still busy, ttyl

**ruBen10:** Of course you are

* * *

**commonavi:**  hey guys! i have successfully delivered benny from the airport!

**commonavi:** it was wild, i had a dance battle at one point

**commonavi:** whether i lost or won is irrelevant

**commonavi:** also, do you think benny looks like gwash?? i don't see it but nina said so?

**commonavi:** um hi why is no one answering

**commonavi:** _guys_

**ruBen10:** Sorry, didn't have my phone for a bit

**ruBen10:** And Alex is still MIA

**commonavi:** oh okay! no worries

**ruBen10:** Hey Usnavi?

**commonavi:** yeah?

**ruBen10:** Doesn't it bother you that he's basicaly ditched us?

**commonavi:** i mean? i wouldn't call it ditching

**commonavi:** i know what it's like to be busy with work

**ruBen10:** I just hope he doesn't overwork himself I guess

**commonavi:** he's like, the chillest guy ever though?

**commonavi:** nothing really phases him

**ruBen10:** He's had it really bad though

**commonavi:** what do you mean?

**ruBen10:** Oh you don't know

**ruBen10:** Sorry, it's not really in my place to tell

**ruBen10:** He told me so I'd open up to him about the whole Jamaica thing

**commonavi:** oh

**commonavi:** it's okay, once he gets back i'll see it with him!

**ruBen10:** Yeah

**ruBen10:** By the way, did you win or lose that dance battle?

**commonavi:** irrelevant

**ruBen10:** You lost didn't you

**commonavi:** _irrelevant_

**ruBen10:** Sure thing, Navi

* * *

**A.Ham:** hey

**A.Ham:** so i figured i should talk to you

**A.Ham:** and explain a few things

**ruBen10:** You don't have to explain man, I was out of line

**ruBen10:** Work is important, sorry I acted like that

**A.Ham:** i wasnt

**A.Ham:** i wasnt working yesterday

**ruBen10:** You said you were busy though? Busy with what?

**A.Ham:** um okay let me finish typing before you freak out

**A.Ham:** i was at the hospital

**A.Ham:** IM FINE!!

**A.Ham:** no broken bones or fever or anything

**A.Ham:** maria and john made me go after the whole speech thing was over

**A.Ham:** cause "stress is bad for you", or whatever

**A.Ham:** i mean, im stressed 24/7 and totally fine sooo

**A.Ham:** anyway, i didnt wanna worry you guys

**A.Ham:** so

**A.Ham:** oh right sorry, you can type now

**ruBen10:** What did the doctor say?

**A.Ham:** does it matter??

**ruBen10:** Yes.

**A.Ham:** just some tense muscles, chest pain, and insomnia, normal symptom stuff

**ruBen10:** Jesus christ Alex, that's not normal

**A.Ham:** look at that, my doppelganger, telling me something is abnormal

**ruBen10:** I'm being serious

**A.Ham:** hello being serious

**A.Ham:** i dont give a shit

**ruBen10:** Dude

**A.Ham:** look im just telling you about the hospital thing cause i value honesty and all so

**A.Ham:** please just drop it

**ruBen10:** ...

**ruBen10:** I'll drop it if you talk it out with Usnavi

**ruBen10:** or any of your s/o's

**A.Ham:** i dont need to "talk it out"

**ruBen10:** Then it shouldnt be a huge inconvenience, right?

**A.Ham:** fine

* * *

**A.Ham:** hey so uuuuuuh i was at the hospital yesterday cause of stress symptoms and shit, even though im fine, and ruben said i had to talk to you about feelings or whatever the fuck so uuuh im feeling great, which counts as a feeling, so ive officially talked it out with you and therefore fullfilled my end of the deal. great talk, navi!

**commonavi:**  ala madre are you okay?

**A.Ham:** yea, what did i just say?

**commonavi:** Alex

**A.Ham:** yes

**commonavi:** A l e x

**A.Ham:** y e s

**commonavi:** _Alexander Hamilton_

**A.Ham:** how in the fucking fuck did u get italics

**commonavi:** _that's how serious i am about this_

**A.Ham:** well fuckeroni okay then

**commonavi:** take your time, man

**A.Ham:** uugh okay

**A.Ham:** so i work really hard, cause im obviously awesome and mega sure of how great and worthy i am

**A.Ham:** except

**A.Ham:** sometimes i feel like im not good enough as a person because i feel like, the shittiest person ever. cause it's hte truth. and the main reason im where i am today is because i write good enough stuff for people to give a shit about it

**A.Ham:** so, whenever theres a big event where it all comes down to my writing

**A.Ham:** i stress

**A.Ham:** cause it cant be less than perfect or they'll get someone else who isnt a hassle to work with

**A.Ham:** and seriously, i dont mind, cause the headaches and fevers and whatever else are a small price to pay. looking at where i am now.

**A.Ham:** so i dont complain, cause that's another problem people would have to deal with in the large collection of problems that i am

**A.Ham:** and i know can take it

**A.Ham:** Now, if that doesn't count as "talking it out", then nothing does.

**commonavi:** where are you right now?

**A.Ham:** central park?? im taking a walk, Eliza said that it'd be good for me

**commonavi:** okay im gonna go to hug you and talk this out in person cause i dont have your power of writing

**commonavi:** but im good at talking and im good at hugs

**commonavi:** send me your location

**A.Ham:** Im guessing I cant dissuade you

**commonavi:** have you met me

**A.Ham:** fair

 

_A.Ham has sent a location_

 

**A.Ham:** im not convinced your hugs are good enough to fix my fucked up self

**commonavi:** maybe

**commonavi:** but either way, hugs tend to make things better, if both people are okay with it

**commonavi:** if you don't wanna be touched i can just sit nearby

**commonavi:** but either way im going there

**A.Ham:** you're a good friend, usnavi

**commonavi:** and you're a good person

**A.Ham:** ha

**commonavi:** i mean it

**A.Ham:** okay

* * *

 

_commonnavi has sent a photo_

 

**commonavi:** holy shit look at him

**commonavi:** he fell asleep

**commonavi:** so pure

**ruBen10:** Aww

**ruBen10:** Wait where are you guys?

**commonavi:** central park

**ruBen10:** IT IS 2 AM AND FREEZING OUTSIDE

**commonavi:** but

**commonavi:** he's so warm

**ruBen10:** GO INSIDE NOW IT'S TOO LATE SOMETHING BAD COULD HAPPEN TO YOU GUYS

**commonavi:** but rubeeeeeen!!

**ruBen10:** *Do I need to call Vanessa*

**ruBen10:** Oh shoot it doesn't work anymore

**commonavi:** fiiiiiiine

**ruBen10:** Text me when you're both home and safe

**commonavi:** we will

**commonavi:** thank you for sending alex my way

**commonavi:** dude needed a hug

**ruBen10:** Yeah no problem

**ruBen10:** Now please don't get mugged

**commonavi:** will do

**Author's Note:**

> do not judge me for throwing in Rosa de Guadalupe in there, Benny watching cheesy telenovelas in the barrio is my favorite headcanon
> 
> hmu at my tumblr if you wish, @marianara-sauce


End file.
